What is and what should never be

So strange to see you like that again. There, in front of me just as you were at the time in the light from the fountain. I've thought of you since, but I'd forgotten that particular image and I can all but taste the smoke rolling off of you. Eyes sleepily open behind a haze of black, knotted hair. I was such a child and twelve years older than me you managed likewise. So much seeking, so much destroying. Inspiration, the cracking of all my young ideals. Regret, yes, for so long. The only thing I would take back, only that isn't so true anymore. Even that which is hideous, it is still MINE. That place, that stare, your hands folded neatly in your lap...it belongs to me. You have crossed my mind a ghost, for the first time in ten years I missed you.

Oh...

And where to begin. With your ridiculous face (both of you). This rain/wind/flooding combination makes for an eerie nights' sleep indeed. There's nothing quite like leaving the windows open to watch gauzy black drapes sway to the sound of wind racing through the trees. It's getting colder....and I grow farther from the tropical climate that is my home. Every year. I'll never get used to being cold but I forget what it is to always be warm. I miss humid rain and heat lightning, purple skies and black clouds.
I want to travel more. I have so much I need to see before I decide what it is that I want. I can't see how I'm supposed to know anything about that sort of thing when there's so much more to see and taste.
There's a reason you're absent. It's not a mistake.

That's the Way

And all the fish that lay in dirty water dying, had they got you hypnotized?

Wake

The entire age of Facebook-era internet leaves me with mixed feelings. I alternate between enjoying the interactions with people I would normally not get to talk to nearly as much and just wanting to delete every piece of information about myself that's on there. I sometimes don't want anyone to be able to know anything about me that I don't specifically construct for their consumption. I understand it's a bit of a juxtaposition seeing as I am writing these very words on, you know, the internet. As of right now I have 177 'facebook friends.' I can say with absolute certainty there are not 177 people that I like and enjoy interacting with on the planet let alone the internet. But who cares? Isn't that overthinking things a bit, with a little bit of inflated self-importance? It's insignificant. Sometimes. However this irritating social networking culture has become such a huge part of society it's hard not to see it as symbolic of something bigger. For example, I was in a restaurant a couple nights ago, and at the table behind me a woman was ranting and raving about the implications of something someone posted on Facebook, and how insulting it was to people 'who have money.' (The post was apparently from a 'poor person' who wrote something about having love but not money) But it makes you stop and take notice that this world online is eating at the threads of real life. It is also everyone's favorite medium for appalling amounts of narcissism. For example I have an fb acquaintance who posts a nauseating amount of pictures of herself in the most laughable poses I've seen presented in a serious fashion. And there are endless picture albums dedicated to just that. Now, I get it. Everyone does it from time to time and I am not at all excluding myself in that statement. It's human nature to show off sometimes and I am not looking down on that at all. There's just a point of taste and decency that is getting annihilated when you have fifteen albums just of you pouting at the camera. We get it, you think you're hot. Point being, for all its positive points, social networking is a breeding ground for false self-perception and a false sense of boundaries. Or maybe I'm just being defensive because I'm feeling very introverted lately. Points to ponder.

Sleep

The air is clean and autumn slowly creeps beneath my skin.
I was thinking that I haven't laid eyes on you in five years. I was thinking it should be more.